I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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