did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
