Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
