Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
