oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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