I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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