and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
me + whiskey = a bad person
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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