I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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