I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
