I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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