I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I would fuck him just for his dog
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
