How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
