The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
