I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
