every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
