if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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