Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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