i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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