I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
