I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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