That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
