As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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