Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
