If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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