I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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