you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
