Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
