Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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