I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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