i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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