We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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