Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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