One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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