Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
