Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
