hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
