im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
