my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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