You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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