Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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