i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
