I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize