my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Randomize
