That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
