Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I love you. Go after that dick
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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