I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
