I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm bleeding and have questions
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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