You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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