6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
