Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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