you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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