When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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