i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
