This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He did a backflip because drugs
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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