sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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