Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
As shirtless as possible
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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