She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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