we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
