so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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