More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
