I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I am mentally ready for anal.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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