it's like iHOP with fire
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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