i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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