I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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