I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
