Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
