Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
