I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
