Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
