how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
