I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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